6 Quick Steps to Valentine’s Day Sex

You might think Valentine’s is the worst night of the year to pull the elusive one-night stand, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is isn’t impossible, nor is it terribly hard. Many a woman out with her friends or alone on V-Day is just looking for a little companionship, and you can be her Mr. Right… Now. The trick is demonstrating your finer qualities and paying attention to the little things to present the best you, if only for the evening. Who knows where it will lead, but at the least you’ll both go home happy. Here’s your step-by-step guide.

1. Go For Singles
This is a big one given the timing. You might be able to win a woman away from her man, but the odds are pretty firmly stacked against you on a day related to relationships, dating and romance. Just consider these ladies off limits for the night.


2. Pick the Right Hunting Grounds
You can’t hunt elephants in Iowa, and you can’t hunt single women at a swanky restaurant filled with couples. No sir, tonight you want a dive bar. That’s where you’ll find all the single women bummed about not having a Valentine, drowning their sorrows in liquor. Just think of a place that a guy would never take his girlfriend in a million years. Then go there.


3. Listen More Than You Talk
You know how women can be, um, emotional? Well, this is especially true on Valentine’s Day. So after breaking the ice—hell, just ask what she’s drinking—it’s simple: listen to what she has to say. She’s going to spend a lot of time complaining about not having a boyfriend, or maybe her last boyfriend, or maybe something else entirely. Shut up, stare at her mouth, grunt and agree at the right points. Wrinkle your forehead. You’re going to be the sweetest guy she’s met all day. For real.

4. Show Your Sensitive Side
You don’t need to plunge into a sob story about your ex, but pair your listening with simpatico thoughts to let her know you have a lot of feelings and respect for women. What the ladies want on V-Day—other than a lay so good their eyes will pop out of their heads—is a guy who at least appears to give a crap. You can be that guy. It helps if you actually do have a lot of feelings and respect for women. If you don’t, well, your issues might be beyond the scope of this article.


5. Hate on Valentine’s Day
One thing all single women definitely detest is this… very… day. So you need to share in their hate with cynical cracks about how Valentine’s Day is just a ploy to get people to buy chocolates and flowers. You don’t want to harp on it all night, but occasional, well-crafted witticisms about how stupid Valentine’s Day is will take you very far indeed.

6. Touch, Touch and Touch Some More
Nothing will land you in the friend zone faster than a buddy-buddy sensitive chat without a trace of sexual tension. Punctuate your conversation with touch, a hand on a shoulder here, on a knee there. Hold hands, even, and if you dance, make sure to keep contact with her. It’s a little-known fact that you can’t have sex with someone without touching them, so touch early and touch often. And if you’re receiving positive touches back, my friend, you are well on your way to making sure this lady doesn’t fly solo tonight…